So I will set the scene for you...
Early afternoon, just returned from church.
Sweet Girl is on a stool waiting for lunch. Baby is in his little chair with a tray that sits up on top of the counter next to Sweet Girl, he is also waiting for lunch to be served.
I am dishing up lunch, pasta salad and homemade bread.
Hubby is milling about the kitchen...I am sure he was doing something useful...I'm just not sure what that is.
The following is a conversation that did not happen...
Sweet Girl "Thanks mama...I love pasta salad. May I have honey on my bread? May I have a glass of water. Daddy has salt, can I have some? Can we have blackberry cobbler for dessert?"
Baby Boy after getting his pasta and bread "Me no want bwed. Me no wike wawer. Me want owange jew. Me want ice in owange jew...pweese mama pweeeeeeeese...
Me "Yes there is blackberry cobbler for dessert but you have to eat your lunch first, I'll get you some honey. Baby we don't have any orange juice but you can have water and you can have ice in it. You do not have to eat your bread if you don't want to."
Husband after trying pasta salad "The pasta is good honey, it could use a bit more dressing though...do we have any?"
Baby Boy "Me no WIKE wawer. Mama DORK"
Longsuffering me...who hasn't eaten yet "Well then you don't have to drink water but you are not having anything else. Please don't eat your salad with your hands, you're making a mess"
Husband "Do we have any butter for the bread? Orange juice really does sound good, didn't you buy orange juice when you were at the store? We sure can't seem to keep orange juice around here"
Sweet Girl "Can I have cobbler now? I ate my lunch, well exept the broccoli in the pasta salad but you know I don't like broccoli. Did daddy say we had orange juice? I much rather have that than water, may I have some please?"
Baby Boy "MAMA DORK"
Me starting to get annoyed and very hungry "Eat at least one piece of broccoli and then when everyone's done I'll get out the cobbler and there is NO orange juice...Did he just call me a dork?"
Baby Boy quite loudly "MAMA DORK!!!"
Conversation in my head...He just called me a dork, my sweet angelic baby called his mother a dork. This is all my teenagers' faults. What are they teaching him? People who have two sets of kids are crazy. I am crazy...and my two year old just called me a dork.
Me nose to nose with Baby Boy "Young man you are never under any circumstance to call your mother a dork. I am the one that gave birth to you and therefore I deserve some respect. You need to apologize to your mama, you hurt my feeling."
Baby Boy looks shocked, twists up his little face and starts to sob...
I look over at Sweet Girl and she has big tears in her eyes too
Me "What are you crying about, I wasn't yelling at you!"
Sweet Girl "But Mama you yelled at the baby!"
Me "Yes I did, you should never call your mama a dork, not even when you are two"
Sweet Girl "But mama, he didn't!"
Me "Yes missy he did, I heard him as plain as day say dork...and don't argue with me"
Sweet Girl growing annoyed with me..."He didn't say DORK, he said he wanted a FORK... he doesn't have anything to eat with!"
Pause...I look over at the Baby's tray...no fork...no way to eat his pasta.
Baby Boy sniffling and refusing to look at me.
Conversation in my head...you are a bad mama, a bad, baaaaad mama. You made your baby cry, you hurt his feeling...he doesn't really think you're a dork, the teenagers do but the baby doesn't....not yet anyway, just wait, he will...
Me hugging Baby Boy..."I am sooooo sorry baby, mama will get you a fork, I'm sorry I yelled, don't cry, mama's so so soooo sorry"
Baby Boy "Me sawwy mama too, me wuv you"
Me "I love you too baby and you have nothing to be sorry about, mama's the one that should be sorry"
Baby Boy Sniff..."Dork?"
Me "Yes baby, here's your fork...
and I'll run to the store and get you some orange juice too."
This is a conversation that never happenend...I am admitting to nothing, and that is my final word on the matter...
Really it is...
Shhhhh, I don't want to talk about it anymore!