Warning...this post is not for the weak of stomach, the newly pregnant, or those with a less than strong constitution.
Potty Adventures with my five kids...
Or what I would never do as a sane, caring, compassionate parent and wife!
Recently I did not forget to put a towel under Baby Boy as he unexpectedly fell asleep on the couch (he still wets in his sleep). He then of course did not wet all over himself and the couch as though he had just finished off a whole liter of pop! I tried to blot it up as best I could... but since company was coming over I knew I had no time to launder the cover on that section of the couch so I did not just flip over the damp cushion. Of course I did not spend the whole visit hoping my dear friend would stay on her side of the couch as apposed to the pee pee side. I did not forget all about it until a few days later when I was searching through the couch for the remote control and lifted up said cushion and wondered what the stench was...I would never ever do such a thing because that would be gross!
I would never leave one of my kids with their father while potty training...because well he is not quite as long suffering as I am when it comes to this particular child rearing topic. So one day I did not leave my #2 son with his father when he was in the midst of training to use the toilet. As luck would have it small son did not poop in his underwear. My husband did not show his usual compassion and take darling son outside and proceed to clean him off with the hose in the middle of the yard...with cold water! He of course did not warn my small son that every time he pooped in his underwear from then on daddy was going to take him outside and hose him down...this particular son did not ever go in his underwear again...he really didn't!
I of course did not tell my husband that hosing a small child off outside with the hose was not what the books recommend for potty training...you were to be caring and kind and above all not become irritated. Husband did not proceed to tell me that the books were certainly written by some...and I quote
"Pansy assed intellectuals who obviously have never raised real children...just hypothetical children."
How can one argue with logic like this???
Then there was the darling daughter that was so sensitive to smells when she was little that she would sit on the toilet while gagging the whole time when she had a bowel movement. She never had an accident in her pants but there were times that I had to clean vomit off the floor when she was done with 'business'...
My three oldest boys would never stand around the commode and pee together to see how many bubbles they could make...and I would never stand at the door and watch the show chuckling to myself to see such a sight...well because I'm too proper for that and so are my children!
I never do a really cool 'pee-pee dance' when my children make it to the potty in time!
And lastly I would never discuss in a public forum the private trials of my potty training experience with my kids...because it just wouldn't be seemly.
So now if you never visit me again on Not Me Monday I will completely understand...but I will miss you!